Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Curious Cajun's Guide to Atlanta

  • When first entering Atlanta, the Curious Cajun may notice a plethora of lanes to choose from on his interstate of choice, far more than the one half, one, or two lanes the Quaint Louisianian may be accustomed to due to our state's smaller cities and profligate road construction.  Do not be alarmed, dear reader, as roads of three to six lanes are entirely normal in this new and strange land.  Although this may seem similar to arcade games of yore such as Pole Position, Outrun, or Turbo, be advised that the local constabulary looks with disfavor upon joyfully weaving left and right with careless abandon from the near lane to the far lane and back.
  • The Curious Cajun undoubtedly has One Love when it comes to chicken fingers, cole slaw, and fries in an easily transportable box... however, do not expect to find Raising Cane's in your new home of Atlanta.  Instead, you'll enjoy Chick-Fil-A... and Chick-Fil-A... and more Chick-Fil-A!
  • The Good Lord Above has truly blessed ye olde Atlanta, for there is Mr. Pibb here.
  • The Curious Cajun may find public transportation in Atlanta to be vastly overrated.  Why, after a full two rides on a peculiar contraption called a "subway", your humble author was disappointed to not once be accosted by panhandlers, watch salesmen, or religious fanatics.  Instead, the author was offered a free waffle by a conveniently placed television screen.  The author is not complaining.
  • As difficult as it may be for fellow Acadians, Chalmatians, Cajuns, and Creoles to believe, the local populace in this strange city follow many different sporting teams and franchises, rather than just the one franchise to which we are all accustomed.  In additional to that fine old pastime of football, apparently the quaint Atlantians become quite excitable when other games such as baseball, basketball, and even soccer are mentioned.  This is caused, no doubt, by exposure to some pollutant in the air here.  I shall protect my forthcoming children from this depravity, certainly!
  • Even more peculiar, there seem to be few True Fans of our Beloved Saints here in this cultural wasteland.  Never fear, though, dear reader, as your humble author shall soon engage in a comprehensive re-education campaign for the benefit of these sadly ignorant sportsmen and sporting women!
  • The Curious Cajun may find it difficult to believe that a concept called "altitude" is displayed prominently thoughout this City of Atlanta and its Surrounding Villages.  Specifically, the road itself on which you are traveling may (and, indeed, will) suddenly lurch up into the sky, or down into the bowels of the earth, all without a moment's notice!  Local Atlantians calmly refer to these geological deviations as "hills."  How curious!
  • Rather than our beloved Louisianian Winn-Dixie, or the rather outsiderly Albertons', the Curious Cajun may procure foodstuffs at an establishment called 'Publix', which features small, fashionable shopping carts, inexpensive dairy products, copies of "Parade" magazine advertising a worthless Kenny Chesney feature story, Pibb Extra for sale, and the finest generic pizza rolls money can buy.
  • Despite these features of strangeness, this New City of Atlanta seems a generally pleasant place for the immigrating Louisianian, especially given the welcoming and inviting smiles of the local young female populace. 
More to come, boys and girls, in the next exciting installment of this electronic regular adventure series!

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