Eat Mor Chikn

I'm told I need to blog more by a couple of people who I didn't know were reading the blog. Maybe if you guys followed the blog, or commented on it, I'd know people were actually reading it!  As it is, I enjoy writing for all of my imaginary friends, including my favorite readers, Johnny AlwaysAgrees and Wendy AlwaysScantilyClad, and of course Kenny Chesney's legions of loyal fans.

Yesterday after a fun little visit to the Best Buy I used to work at, where I was pleased to see an awful lot of people I used to work with who are apparently doing very well for themselves, I stopped by Chick-Fil-A for lunch. And I marveled, as I always do, about Chick-Fil-A.

As soon as I walked through the door, I was bowled over (as I always am) by an onslaught of smiling and cheerful "Hello and welcome to Chick-Fil-A!"s, only one or two of which really sounded fake. The happy people behind the counter nearly begged to take my order, repeating it clearly to make sure they were getting it right, giving me full attention, smiles, and eye contact. The store was spotless as always, despite the fact that nearly every chair was filled. My order was ready nearly immediately, and it was piping hot. When I asked for extra sauce, nobody pouted.

As I sat and ate, I watched the drive-thru line move rapidly, even though it was about six cars long. As it got even longer, and as it began to slow down, I saw one of the cashiers notice, put on a headset, and run out to start taking orders from cars further back in the line. The line then sped back up.

Friendly employees stopped by my table occasionally to ask if they could take my garbage or get me a refill.

Chick-Fil-A is fast food, like a McDonald's or Taco Bell.  Well... actually very unlike a McDonald's or Taco Bell, but it's still fast food.  We don't tend to expect this kind of service from fast food.  Heck, I don't get service that good at most sit-down restaurants.  Despite this, Chick-Fil-A provides it.

Maybe that's why it really seems to me to be the busiest fast food establishment in Baton Rouge. And I've been to Chick-Fil-A's all over the country, and that huge customer service experience is pretty standard.

There are a lot of funny things to think about when it comes to Chick-Fil-A. For starters, I know they don't pay their people all that much money. They don't get paid as much as, say, those Best Buy employees I was talking about at the start of this post. They don't get paid as much as most of the Wal-Mart associates I know. And yet, they're a heck of a lot nicer to customers as a general rule, and they offer much better customer service.  They get paid less, and they do more.  Why is that?

Obviously there's something in Chick-Fil-A's corporate culture that they buy into, either voluntarily or somehow involuntarily (I suspect the former).  For some reason, they seem genuinely motivated to provide a level of service unlike what any of their competitors provide, a level of service unseen in quick-service restaurants for at least forty years. They seem happy with that and proud of it. They enjoy their excellence, which is very cool.  Aristotle called that 'eudaimonia' way back when... 'the joy of excellence.' It's something we don't see enough of in modern America.

Honestly, as food quality and taste goes, I'm not sure CFA is really heads-and-shoulders above their competition. In my own eyes, as far as taste goes, they're better than Kentucky Fried, but nowhere near the level of a Popeye's. So why are they so much busier than Popeye's, then, even in South Louisiana where Popeye's is practically the food we grew up on, the stuff our momma's and grandmomma's used to make? Seriously, I'd swear that those cajun spices at Popeye's were in my baby bottle way back when....

In my marketing seminars, I've long been a proponent of the competitive differentiator, and I've often made the point that the business without a clear and understood differentiator cannot thrive. Fox News and MSNBC's differentiators are their political slants, each on opposite ends of the spectrum. Wal-Mart's differentiator is its sheer variety. Best Buy's is its (usually) knowledgeable employees. The Xbox's is Halo. HBO's is its original series. Waffle House has its unique waffle recipe, Hobby Lobby has a lot of really unique crap you could never find anywhere else, and Chevron has Techron (which isn't truly unique in the slightest, but most people are fooled into thinking it is through Chevron's clever marketing).

I believe someone up at Chick-Fil-A made the decision a few years back that truly amazing, throwback customer service was going to be their differentiator, the thing that got people talking about CFA. It makes you wonder what the corporate culture is like in CFA... if it's truly a different kind of atmosphere, or if all that is just show for the customers. It also makes you wonder just how they've been so effective at gaining employee buy-in, even at the entry level.

Luckily, one of my fellow incoming Georgia Tech doctoral students is a CFA insider, so I should get to find out!

On a side note, there's nothing cooler than randomly running into one of your dearest friends you haven't seen in a long time, in a place as nice as Chick-Fil-A!

United Airlines' 10 Rules on How to Make Customers Hate You

Last time I was on a flight with United Airlines, I had a decidedly unpleasant experience. Curious about how this whole experience came about, I snagged a small pamphlet from the flight attendants' break-room.  And wouldn't you know it, I read....

UNITED AIRLINES
WE'RE NOT THE BEST

WE'RE NOT THE CHEAPEST

BUT THEY FLY ON US ANYWAY

GENERAL POLICIES FOR FLIGHT

1. Every major airline has had to massively delay flights lately, keeping customers trapped on planes while they attend to security issues. Our differentiater here at United will be our absolute and utter refusal to speak to our passengers and customers while they are trapped on our plane. This serves the quadruple purpose of (a) making us look busy, (b) making us look important, (c) keeping customers in their place, and (d) saving time.
2. In fact, to enhance the effectiveness of Rule #1, United recommends that all employees avoid making eye contact with customers and passengers while the plane is stuck on the ground. Needless eye contact only invites what we at United are trying to avoid here: communication.
3. While other airlines may trap their customers on planes for legitimate security purposes, we at United will differentiate by trapping them there due to our inability to correctly measure passenger weights. This will allow us to delay flights in order to give us time to decide who to kick off the flight, so that the plane is light enough to actually fly. This also helps to keep our customers in line, as they will constantly be frightened that they will be next to go (this also eliminates the communication and eye contact issues mentioned in Rules 1 and 2).
4. After the plane finally takes off (after kicking off several of the larger passengers), make sure to comment on how you're certain to get everyone to their destination on time, regardless of the fact that you're now departing close to an hour late, and the flight was scheduled for just over an hour in the first place. Remember that most of your customers are terrible at time management and basic math, so the patronization will go right over their heads. By the time they get to their destination and realize how late they are, they'll be too far away from you to complain.
5. Just prior to touchdown, mix up the gate assignments when you announce your passengers' connecting flights. This will give their frantic runs through the terminal a decided sense of adventure and enigma, as they will be unable to guess precisely where they will end up.
6. As your customer finally makes his way to his connecting flight with just a few minutes to spare, be sure to berate him for being so late for the flight. Tell him how lucky he is that you waited for him, and how the plane's just about to take off. Then, just before he actually boards the plane, stop him and make him wait ten minutes or so while you tell him how his carry-on bag will no longer fit in the overhead compartments (even if there quite obviously is a significant amount of space in the carry-on compartments). We must educate our customers on our policies!
7. After take-off, even if the flight wasn't delayed due to our inability to determine how much our planes weigh, stick with Rule #4 and brag about how you'll get everyone to their destination on time, even if the plane actually shows an arrival time of 45 minutes later than originally scheduled. This will give customers a deep sense of contentment as the flight attendants start the in-flight entertainment: advertisements for various failing sitcoms and washed-up comics, and a Kenny Chesney retrospective.
8. Rather than the sandwiches and full meals other airlines serve, differentiate on United flights by offering 'snack boxes' - basically glorified Lunchables with crackers, cheese, and meat - at high prices to increase our revenues. Offer free salmonella and other food-poisoning substances, introduced directly into the food, as a free bonus for our passengers, and make sure the toxins are powerful enough to incapacitate our valued customers for at least 48 hours with fever dreams and dehydration. Our passengers will have to buy our food regardless; after all, their last flight didn't make it in time for them to buy any real food in the airport!
9. Lose your passenger's luggage (see rule 5 - enhance the sense of adventure and enigma). This adds mystery to our customer's lives as they wonder when and if they will see their bags again, as it increases their dependence on our services! Make sure not to make eye contact with the customer or apologize as you inform him that his bag is gone.
10. If you find the bag and deliver it to the customer, open the bag, pour water on the contents, and close the bag. Again, adventure and enigma is the United Way!